random things to know

Never get a ventosa massage again. That is, unless I intentionally want my back to become a canvas of black and blue polka dots for a whole week.

on dreaming big and betting big

We have watched and monitored the number grow incredibly fast for the past couple of days. At 1999, Cy created a loop in the server to display the number of enlistments (Facebook the movie style).

1999
1999
1999
1999

And at Nov 29, 9:29pm there it was.

2000

Happy 6th! :)

in perspective

On the day Cy and I were to fly to Bacolod for my cousin's wedding, we experienced the worst accident we had in our 5-year relationship. A jeepney from the outermost lane decided to pull a 3-lane cut to get to the U-turn slot along Quezon Ave. while we were coasting along at conservative 50 kph on a rainy night. Cy stepped on the brakes, but it was apparent that we were going to hit anyway. I think he evaded the jeepney because it was going to hit on my side. We careened towards the island that that divided the lanes, went up and hit a tree which finally forced the car to stop.

Accidents like this are typically depicted in slow motion in movies, zooming in for little details that prove their import in the story. And yet, I find that it happened exactly that way for me as the car lost control during the crash. Everything for me was in slow motion. How else could I account that during that scary 10 seconds, I was able to check the back for any speeding car on the adjacent lane, exhale my relief because there was none, glance at Cy's buckle to make sure that the tongue was in place (which meant he had his seatbelt on), seize my chest to affirm that thick strap which indicated I had my seatbelt on, think of pulling up the handbrake but immediately deciding against it, look to the front to see the rapidly advancing tree and finally brace myself for the impact (shouting out my agitation all that time).

The crash gave me a serious whiplash. I seriously thought my head was going to be pulled off from my neck and was actually surprised that it wasn't. Fortunately, I didn't slam against the windshield. It took me a while to get my senses back. The first thing I did was ask Cy if he was alright while I scanned him up and down for any signs of injury and blood. I was so relieved that he was alright.

Thinking about it now and analyzing my emotions, I honestly don't care about the totaled car and the fact that it means that it's going to be back to commute for me. I'm not even worried about how much we're going to spend on the repairs since the jeepney driver didn't even have the decency to stop and ask us if we were alright but just drove off in haste to make sure we didn't catch him. I am really just thankful that we're still alive and were able to get through that accident without so much as a scratch save neck pain from the serious whiplash. That's really all I care about. The totaled car and the commute, it's all temporary. And Cy and I, we're still alive.

Mutability

We are as clouds that veil the midnight moon;
How restlessly they speed, and gleam, and quiver,
Streaking the darkness radiantly! -yet soon
Night closes round, and they are lost for ever:

Or like forgotten lyres, whose dissonant strings
Give various response to each varying blast,
To whose frail frame no second motion brings
One mood or modulation like the last.

We rest. -A dream has power to poison sleep;
We rise. -One wandering thought pollutes the day;
We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep;
Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away:

It is the same! -For, be it joy or sorrow,
The path of its departure still is free:
Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutablilty.

-- Percy Bysshe Shelley, 1816

ULAM

A good college friend of mine who migrated to the US with his family on our third year of Computers, Assembly Languages, Bytes and Bits, created a t-shirt brand named U.L.A.M. We met up thrice during my stay at the US and for the most part, it was him driving over from the OC to my aunt's house in Valencia. Once, we also met in the east coast when I was in New Jersey and his company flew him over for training. We had lots to talk about, the past, the present which was different for the both of us and everything that came in between those last few college days and this meeting 6 years later. But I'm regressing.

The reason I'm writing this post is in part a salute to him and the great strides he has taken to remake himself. But for the most part, it's just me putting into words - or rather borrowing his words - to articulate the vow I'm taking this year:

Undoing Lies and Mistakes.

And the way I understand ULAM as he explained it to me, is to reinvent yourself. Although I have been into multiple conversations that stretch the envelope of self-reinvention, Undoing Lies and Mistakes is, in my sense, over and beyond any of the those previous conversations that talk about change brought about by empowerment. I do agree that there is nothing completely wrong with empowering yourself through channels that enable you to, the thing that hooked me with ULAM is the fact that what it stresses is for you to make amends with yourself. Change comes after that. Stronger or not, it doesn't matter because that's not the point. Point is, you acknowledge all the lies, all the mistakes and you also acknowledge the fact that some of their effects are permanent. But for those that that you can change, and that you want to change for better of for worse and with or without the acceptance of society, you are going to change it. To undo a lie is to make it a truth. To undo a mistake is to make it right. And there's no need to apologize to anyone because you're doing it for yourself. And there's nothing selfish about that contrary to popular thought.

Brand New Eyes

There's nothing like getting something other than what you expected. Most of the time, it is a source of agitation as you get thrown off your comfort zone and you're forced to recalibrate and adapt or at the very least to cope with the situation. But this time, it was a welcome disconcertment. Although the whole thing brought to mind the old adage 'Be careful what you wish for', I was glad that it was just a glimpse and not something permanent.

The 6 weeks that I spent in the US gave me one of the biggest intangible lessons of my life. And although it was a comfortable plane right that brought me there, it might as well have been a hurricane because the first thought that I had the moment I landed back was 'There's no place like home.' Scarecrow, Lion, Tin Man, Witches and Wizards aside, the trip back home (which coincided with the new year) equipped me with brand new eyes.

It's probably my biggest take-away from the trip. And I'm tons glad because it means that I'm not simply aging.