happy anniversary!

one year in the bag. 'nuff said. ILY CUD

rejection was never a good thing for anyone's ego. mine was completely shattered about 2 years ago when the person i loved most rejected me. it was the most excruciating pain i have ever felt grip me. and although i learned that fear and uncertainty takes away many things like time, moments and memories i learned too that it is still man that holds sway of his fate. just as cy did when he took back his rejection.

and yet the most excruciating pain was not excruciating enough for there was a pain more severe than rejection and that is the pain of seeing your most beloved being rejected by your family.

i wish they could see you.
the way that i see you.
because if they did, i know that they would respect and cherish you
the way that i respect and cherish you.

cy, in their behalf i offer you nothing but the sincerest of apologies. although i know that you'll say that i dont have to say anything.

i don't deserve you i know.
but im glad that you love me just the same.

how do you pick up the threads of an old life? how do you go on when in your heart, you begin to understand that there is no going back. there are things that cannot mend. some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold. yet i still wish with all my might in hopes of hastening the time when the gray rain curtain of the world will pull back. i wish with all my might the quickening of the time when everything turns to glass.

until then i can only hold deep my breath. as anyone would before the plunge.

regret is beyond me. and i guess that it is beyond hers as well. for i see in her eyes the distress that took the very heart of me... once when you cast me into the darkness. and for a year i was lost. i wasn't able to recall the feel of your kiss, the sound of our laughter, nor the touch of your hand. i was naked in the darkness. but it seems that i wore my nakedness well because i saw you again. and i knew your face. now i dally in the sun. and it seems my days spent in the shadow are but a whisper of a memory. but all i really did was to trade my nakedness for scars.

no i don't hate. but these scars will never mend. and these scars remind me that the past, though not as vivid in memory, is real. i guess history does belong to the victor.

Hate Ashlee Simpson. She's too ashlee. But I got to say that I got to relate with one of her songs. Hahahah.


Hey, how long till the music drowns you out?
Don't put words up in my mouth,
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Hey, how long till you face what's going on?
Cause you really got it wrong,
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Hey, how long till you look at your own life,
Instead of looking into mine,
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Hey, how long till you're leaving me alone,
Don't you got somewhere to go?
I didn't steal your boyfriend

happy birthday!

To labu that is so you can just quit your agains and what the hecks. ^^

Count On Me - Default

life's a bitch. we could never really fully deny that. a certain someone said to me that when people are happy, they mingle. and there are people that keep to themselves when shit hits the fan. i know exactly what he means. because i have to admit that i am exactly like that. i like to wallow in my distress. it makes me feel. more human. but of course, this is not always a healthy thing. sometimes, it's good to know that there are people who are willing to be there even if they don't have an inkling what exactly you are going through. life hasn't blessed me with a lot of friends. i don't mind. i only have a few people i can really say that are my friends. but i think that they are enough. and i'm thankful i have them.

to labu. who i know would do the same for me.
to good friends: kyle, estre, wa and momo.
to ym conversations:hazel and flip.
to life meditations over a cup of coffee or a road trip headed nowhere:vj,rj and aids
to good songs that i can relate to.
and better lyrics that i couldn't have worded more myself.

I know that life ain't always good to you.
I've seen exactly what it’s put you through
Thrown you around and turned you upside down and so you
You got to thinking there was no way out
You started sinking and it pulled you down
It may be tough you've to get back up

I wonder why nobody's waiting on you
I'd like to be the one to pull you through your darkest times
I'd love to be the light that finds you
I see a silver lining on your cloud
I'll pick you up whenever you fall down
Just take my hand and I will help you stand

Because you know that life ain't over yet
I'm here for you so don't forget
You can count on me
Cause’ I will carry you till you carry on
Anytime you need someone
Somebody strong to lean on
Well you can count on me
To hold you till the healing is done
And every time you fall apart
Well you can hide here in my arms
And you can count on me
To hold you till that feeling is gone

The economic benefits of standardization are tangible. Once we can quantify them, businesses will begin realize the true promise of the Web — interoperable content freely shared.

-Jeffrey Veen, Adaptive Path Director of Product Design

***

he makes sense. in a wierd twisted way he really does. i'm switching to standards.

it wont. unless it will.

this is really a post for all those who waited and those who are still waiting in their distress. knowingly or unknowingly.

on a ym conversation with kyle, i got to think about time and decisions. about how some things never happen despite how badly you want them to. and i surprised myself to an extent over my understanding of the matter. put down categorically, either things happen or they dont. in the event that they do happen they fall into one of three categories: (1)things that happen so fast that you don't know they did unless they're over, (2)things that happen and you're conscious of them happenning (3)things that happen when you least expect them to and my romantic favorite but also the one i dislike most logically and in all practicality (4)things that happen in their own time. this, i know is the one that is certainly worth its while.

we can only extend our influence so much as to try to make them happen. we can only to try to reduce the role of chance in a game that is in itself, chance anyway. we can be the catalyst, the instigator because we want to have a handle to some extent of control but we are never really assured of a reaction. we can only wait. we can only hope. with full knowledge that the chance of waiting and hoping in vain is just as possible as waiting for something certain. i guess at this point our faith and denial swings are understandable. more so if we are to wait for someone who could imagine a different ending and has the capacity to reduce or increase the role of chance as well. either to our gain or to our loss.


rese: some things take time
rese: i kind of understand that
rese: no matter how you want them to happen
rese: and despite the thngs you do to try to make it happen
rese: it wont unless it's will

today turned out better than i expected. i was JIT for work despite the pesky elevator passengers who travelled a difference of two floors. aside from finishing the search, pagination and sorting of my Central Prepaids Admin, i noticed certain benefits upon the completion of the whole project:

1. "Please be informed that Central Prepaids Admin has been uploaded to test and is now available for testing.." Oh yeahhhh. that felt good. a load off my back. really. the best thing about that is, i'm certain it's bug-free! Hahaha zero turn-around time is good.

2. I'm a day ahead of deadline. This means extra buffer for the other projects queued in my pipeline and some decent shut eye.

3. Although central prepaids has not yet been deployed at the live server, I could use it for the creation of my merchant requirements already via test or local. This means less sql scripts for me and less script run requests for MIS. They'll be thankfull I'm staying off their backs more.

4. I notice that I'm getting less and less easy to distract. At least a bit of HS me is resurfacing. I also noticed that I'm getting the knack of "picking up where I left off". It used to take me more than 5 minutes to remember what I was doing prior to the moment of distraction. Now it's almost instantaneous! Ohhh yeah. Good bye memory gap.

Hopefully I'll do as well on my other projects. And hopefully I'll learn to accept that I do have a bit of a good programmer (I'll leave the judgement of high potential to cy's discretion) in me. This whole denial is getting a bit too cliche.

the background

everything's quiet
since you're not around

and i live in the numbness now
in the background...

the plans i make
still have you in them
cause you come
swimming into view
and i'm hanging
on your words
like i always used to do
the words they use
so lightly
i only feel for you
i only know
because i
carry you around
in the background...

-3EB

ym... oh the things we vent about

hubby: talented wify dame designing
hubby: at the same time you seem happy about it
hubby: the moment your eyes glowed nung nakita mo CSS zen garden
hubby: or portfolio ni paul...
hubby: i figured...
hubby: "shit... designing pala gusto ni wify all this time.. should have found out earlier..."
hubby: actually
hubby: to be honest gusto ko rin designing...
hubby: its just that i have really no talent in it...
hubby: i appreciate art
hubby: and it would be a good thing kung mga nakikita ko kaya ko..
hubby: pero honestly im too static...
hubby: im too mathemetical
hubby: to be an artist..
hubby: when i try to do art
hubby: i make static lines..
hubby: when you do art...
hubby: you make flowing curves..
hubby: that's the difference between you and me...

you miss my smile...


i'm sorry if i took away yours.

never..

have i felt such a crippling sense of loss
as i did when i woke up today

ever
shall i wait in my distress
for only you

this day sucks..

hardest ever...
nuff said.

the corpse bride

yesterday i got my 2nd premiere ticket to the showing of the corpse bride. my being a tim burton fan was justified yet again by the said movie. the characters were undeniably constructed with a genius play at shapes and the composed scores set the tone of the movie's parts well. the trailer promised a great play at words and i was not disappointed as cy and i laughed our heads off at the script writer's cadence.

i spent my time converting our movie tickets to this image here below (yes, it was previously our tickets..). scanning it was the easy part. using adobe photoshop cs to manipulate it was tedious but worth it. hehehe. see the movie for good measure.