how do you pick up the threads of an old life? how do you go on when in your heart, you begin to understand that there is no going back. there are things that cannot mend. some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold. yet i still wish with all my might in hopes of hastening the time when the gray rain curtain of the world will pull back. i wish with all my might the quickening of the time when everything turns to glass.

until then i can only hold deep my breath. as anyone would before the plunge.

regret is beyond me. and i guess that it is beyond hers as well. for i see in her eyes the distress that took the very heart of me... once when you cast me into the darkness. and for a year i was lost. i wasn't able to recall the feel of your kiss, the sound of our laughter, nor the touch of your hand. i was naked in the darkness. but it seems that i wore my nakedness well because i saw you again. and i knew your face. now i dally in the sun. and it seems my days spent in the shadow are but a whisper of a memory. but all i really did was to trade my nakedness for scars.

no i don't hate. but these scars will never mend. and these scars remind me that the past, though not as vivid in memory, is real. i guess history does belong to the victor.