Sleeps With Butterflies
-tori amos
airplanes
take you away again
are you flying above where we live
then i look up, a glare in my eyes
are you having regrets about last night
i'm not, but i like rivers that
rush in
so then i dove in
is there trouble ahead for you, the acrobat
i won't push you, unless you have a net
balloons look good from on the ground
i fear with pins and needles around
we may fall then stumble upon a carousel
it could take us anywhere
you say the word you know i will find you
or if you need some time i don't mind
i don't hold onto the tail of your kite
i'm not like the girls that you've known
but i believe i'm worth coming home to
kiss away night
this girl only sleeps with butterflies
with butterflies
with butterflies
so go on and fly boy
--
so here's what i'm thinking right now:
i honestly thought i was one
but then six months ago
a butterfly i thought forever lost
came home and never left
and now, with pins and needles
i shake myself awake
pump blood into my wings
break the bonds that hold them
break them one by one
so i can take flight
despite my fear of heights
because you said you won't
let me fall ever again
the way you did
over a year ago.
***
that about sums it all up..
having without really owning is something that we dare only to do when we really love someone. and it's difficult because man by his intrinsic nature is driven to be secure. i guess i should consider myself lucky. no. perhaps blessed is the word that better describes how i see the "us" that came to be against all odds. how an us bloomed despite the obvious difficulty. but a flower that blooms in adversity after all, is incomparable to any other.
and if someone stains what we have, let that person know that i know exactly what it is to be the "unchosen"... i know how hard it is to move on. spare me a raised eyebrow in the event that you think that sarcasm is just beneath my words because i was in a worse if not same position two years ago. and i believe that grief is necessary for such a loss. so grieve if you must, shed tears if you must, rage if you must. do what you think it takes for you to be well again. but never think that the world stops for anybody's affliction. so don't be in anguish for too long lest you miss what is is to be alive.
know that we respect what it is you are going through. he is not proud of what he did and neither of us denies the role you had to play in both of our lives. but don't let it consume you. never mar what we have because it was denied from you. and don't let loose words to hurt just because you were. know that although we respect how you must feel right now, i am holding you bound to what you told me when we exchanged text messages. or is your word doubtful? so give us the same respect we give you. let us be and speak no more. because when it you really think about it, what you say falls on deaf ears. i have done enough time for the both of us. we are even. you and i.