apparently, living 3 days offline is too much of a time and way to unhealthy for my better health. i have accumulated much thought, too much in fact that i have forgotten most of them while some of them cling still, to the tip of my tongue just enough for me to sense that they're there but not so as to be able to recount them with much accuracy. in my attempt at recollection, i grew a list which i know is a topic or two short still:
1. misa de gallo
2. the christmas party last friday (not so much the party but the adventure after it)
3. moving out and moving in (for the 3rd time since i came here)
4. an unexpected reassurance and a further musing
to post each item included in the list in one go would be way too much of a read for some (as kyle suggested) and so i have decided to tackle each item in a separate list save for the first which i will include here and is as follows.
misa de gallo
saddled with reason and coming from a devout family, i had tried to foment a debate once- out of mere curiousity- regarding my family's (specifically my parents') reasons for our family's specific stand in faith over the dining table and it was disappointment that met me. some reason that god can not be bound by human reason - i agree to an extent (brushing aside the glaring signal of begging the question) but no so blindedly and without proof. it is but human to hold on to so divine a reason such as faith given an existence forced without consent. it is but a way to adapt. a way of finding a reason to make yourself work in hopes of cheating extinction. i probably sound opinionated. maybe biased and quite possibly jaded but sooner or later i'll find out (or not) for myself if there is a god (or not). until that is done, you can label me (with raised eyebrows and shaking of heads and other gesticulations implying the negative) as an agnostic.
if i had offended anyone and their beliefs, it was not my intent to do so. especially not during the height of christianity's conviction at the anticipation of their savior. so hard, man's attempt at vindication... anyway, one of the customs crafted by the religious body is misa de gallo, or as more people know it, simbang gabi, which is spiritual preparation for the coming of christ. it would be logical to assume that it is out of my nature to attend misa de gallo given that i'm an agnostic and the bigger picture that i don't even attend sunday masses (i only do, and obligatedly so, when my parents have flown over or i'm at bacolod).
BUT. despite myself and my beliefs, i found myself awake early in the morning 9 days before christmas and heading to the church across the street with cy for misa de gallo. hark the angels indeed! despites the hopes of me burning as i set foot on the church by some, i was safe. and i kept awake despite myself long enough to hear the homily sound clear. but i will not deny that i was thankful by the time communion came. anyway. before anybody else thinks that what i did was blasphemous i shall state my reasons of honoring such a custom albeit my continuous doubt: cy. he had asked me before that we attend misa de gallo this year. knowing well that he was an agnostic just as i am, i took his suggestion as a jest and that was the end of it. or so i thought. on the 15th, cy asked me again if i wanted to attend misa de gallo. i thought that it had to be important considering that cy wasn't one to nag unless it was of real consequence. so i asked him about it as a courtesy.
he told me that he never attended misa de gallo before despite previous invitations. he told me that he wanted me to be the first and last person he ever attended misa de gallo with. i was dumbfounded. how can i refuse?
people say that when one completes the 9 masses of misa de gallo, that someone is entitled to a wish. i'm not one to hand my fate and my life to such a silly thing such as a wish. but. i'll make one nonetheless. despite my obvious lack of need for it.